Death of a Pop Star: Le Petit Mort
by EarnestInBerlin
Summary: It's like... well under water, it rises to your neck and shuts you up. You scream like an idiot, only making it worst. You know what I'm saying? [Shucentric]


A/N: This is actually the original Pop Star Found Dead… the other one was written because I thought I lost this one. It was in a CD, no wonder I couldn't find it in my computer. Oh yeah, I did take some parts of the other story and plastered them over at the end, if you all were wondering why the fuck some of the paragraphs are the same. Enjoy!

**Pop Star Found Dead **

(Original Version)

I could feel my heart fly up, breaking my ribs cage just to spill out of my ears. The pounding of the beat from the large stereos were cracking my eardrums. It hurts just to keep going, but I have to. They're calling out my name and I can't help but fall into a trance by all their crazed demands. My whole being was taking a bath in the sweat that I have acquired from all the stunts and singing I had to do for tonight.

There I was letting my arms fly open for the whole world to throw their screams at me. I love you, Shuichi-sama. Sing more, Shu-kun. We need you, Bad Luck. I take in every word that comes to me, and then I throw back a lyric or two at them. It was like an amusing banter shared between us. Me and the crowd. I could even hear the faint screech of a marriage proposal from a girl who was in the first line, all I did was sang her the lyrics and smiled. Tell me you love me world, I need you to shout your heart for me. I let my hand signal for Hiro to go louder as his hand strike the guitar with such fervent energy. He even went as far as to fall in on his knees, you know, the usual rock man melodrama, with the lights going crazy in the midst of blue red, green, and yellow. It did us good though; they were bawling out for more, they even threw little toys at us just to keep the gig going.

My throat was going to break but my voice keeps singing Rage Beat's chorus, I need to satisfy them all. I can't live without this. I can't let them all down; I have to satisfy each and every one of them.

I'm dying, I know. But I can't stop myself from chanting on and on, they all could tell that there was something wrong with me. Yet I went on singing my heart out, this is where I wanted to be anyway. I'm in the concert hall jam packed with fans from all over Japan, from the north and south, east and west; I can't let them down. They don't need to know how much of a hypocrite the person before them really is, all they need to know is that their idol loves them all. I won't leave you, that's why I'm here singing for you.

The last of the lyrics and it feels as if the whole universe went away with me as we all sang the last part.

Even if my voice was near to cracking I bid my beloved fans farewell. I even managed to make it sound all saccharine filled enough for all to know that the energetic artist that you love is still alive. The whole world dies and the lights go with it, all that is left are the screeching of encore that they won't get until they buy the tickets for my next concert.

And it's like all my other events, the curtains fall and we and the guys were hidden away from the human race that went on wasting their time watching a punk brat like me sing. No offense to myself and to that small piece of humanity that went to my concert- frankly, I'm happy that you went anyway when you could've done something else, something more productive, with the last two hours of your life. But the fact still remains; you all came because you just wanted to hear syrupy high Shindou Shuichi sing his top chart singles, right? You wouldn't have cared about me just as long as I could have given you the songs that you heard over and over in your CDs. You just went because you expected me tossing to Yuutsu Na Seven Days or dance to Spicy Marmalade and make a bit of a romantic moment for the couples that came by singing In the Moonlight, ne?

I saw myself in a mirror my hair clinging to my face never letting go, my clothes not so shiny than that before, the make up melting away with the sweat that I have acquired making a fool of myself on stage. This is who I am; this is what I am supposed to be doing. I'm Shindou Shuichi of Bad Luck, the hottest band of the century, don't wear it out.

After every concert, I tell myself this. This is my rock to keep me from falling back to the past that I don't want to ever go back again. I know I'm fading but hell, it doesn't matter just as long as my dream doesn't stop rolling, I don't think I'll ever need anything anymore. I know how it just shows my desperation to cling to a tightrope that is going to break, but what else do I have? Even the world is not mine, I know I'm just borrowing my moment so that I can show some parts of humanity, 'Hey, my name is Shindou Shuichi, and I'll rock your world'. I can only have it for this brief period of time; I can only have the world crawling at my commands, just for this short instance. That is what you call fame.

"Hey, great singing out there" Hiro's head was poking from the door, he doesn't say much to me anymore. I know, I told him to shut up for once in his life and after that he dropped all the signs of conversation that was supposed to be between him and me. It was only for good luck and congratulations that he comes to me; Hiro was just that kind of guy. I gave him a wave and he could see the bogus smile plastered on my face from the mirror's view. The smile told him the silent thanks that my voice can't give him. But he saw the expression of my eyes that told him to get lost. Hiro was that kind of guy; he just went and left without saying another word. He used to be my best friend, but I stopped him from being one that's why all we have is the silence linking us. Bluntly I'm not sure when did our talks stopped, maybe it was after I destroyed all the bonds that was in my heart and mind from the history that won't let me sleep. My timeline isn't great but all I have is the memory of last year, he told me not to give. He wanted to help me believe in that grand passion that was me and… the greatest romance novelist of Japan.

Can you see me drinking beer? I bet you can't, okay maybe you can but that's that not the point. Well I did and I finished a whole five cans of them right in Hiro's apartment. Then again, I think I just downed four and a half, while I used what's left inside of the fifth can on my raven-haired friend's face. I told him to stop. I told him to quit it with his useless advice. I told him to shut up.

Our world stopped turning by then, Hiro and Shuichi were not friends anymore after he found himself drenched in beer. But I think Shuichi died that day too because Hiro knows that Shuichi would never do anything like that. Who knows? I may as well be an empty shell of that pop star that everyone used to love. Where's my soul? Where's my sparkle? Where is Shindou Shuichi? Trapped in the grave of his mind, never to be unearthed again; brain dead, brain damaged, whatever.

I'll just rest my head in my arms and cry. It always helps ease the demons now and then.

**(SPACE HERE)**

I know I can be happy on my own, I have all that I need and more of what I want. I can't believe that I still feel empty inside. Don't you think it's very funny? I mean, after what has happened I still want to call out his name. Even though he would rather go away without leaving an explanation for what purpose he's left and nary a goodbye to warn me of the loneliness that might hit me. But, I do think I'm happier now. It's fun, I have all the money one could ask for, and I could go to other countries and party all night. Do I really need him to be here with me? He won't even realize that I exist; it's always been like that. Our life has always been one argument after the other. It was always about me being such a whiny brat and it was always him needing to finish one deadline after the other.

It was an unrequited affair, I was the one who saved his name and face from being tainted by going through rape and humiliation. I didn't need to see him go down on his knees and praise me for what I did, but could he have at least said he loved me? I was the one who went around the city dressed up as a girl just to satisfy his 'requirements'. I was the one who loved with all that I had; I was the one who said those three words that would take other people eternity to say. I went to New York just to tell him my love. He came back and then what happened to the love affair of the century? Everything fell into the same routine; he ignores me and calls me brat. I give him the world and he leaves me to die in the gutter.

I would stop the spinning of this world, would drop my contract with NG Records, stop singing and even jump off the cliff. I would inject acid inside my own veins if that made him happy. I would loose my voice just to hear his tone. I would slit my own neck if he finds doing something like that sexy. I really would. I would do every thing he tells me.

I was the one who tried to help him get to his room when he was really, really drunk once.

And did you know what he did?

He broke my favorite cup to pieces.

I loved Yuki with all my heart.

All I needed was for him to at least say that he needed me in return.

That's all.

**(SPACE HERE)**

I shop for fun. I have the money. I earned them all on my own. I buy everything I see. It's a habit I have that won't seem to go away; I set out to those extremely expensive stores then I take in everything I see. Hiro scolded me for this, he told me that I was just wasting my dough on things that I don't even bother opening when I get back to my condo, I just tell him off. Every time I go to those huge malls, I can't stop myself from grabbing the bags, from stealing the toys or from snatching the sexy top that was hanging on the mannequin a good few minutes ago. I know I'm on the edge of the cliff. Hiro could see I'm almost falling. Or was he blind? I need all of this, he should know this. They are all the things that make me happy now. I know my pleasure isn't real, but what else do I have now? Let me smirk a cracked twist of the lips, let me feel real joy for at least fifteen minutes because I don't know what to do anymore.

Hiro says I have too much clothes, Suguru complains that I don't use a number of shoes that I have. Yeah, they're both right, most of them are still sealed in their boxes; the last time I did get to wear them was to fit them at the store. When they all get home they just go directly to my closet gathering the dust that rains from where ever they come from and nothing is heard of them again.

I was on the edge. I was on the fucking edge. I was all alone with the stereo blaring out the songs to my latest album. It was supposed to help me from falling but I found my feet on top of ground that was about to break. The hands of gravity were creeping up to get me and thrusting me to the world where my sanity ceased to exist.

I kept crying and crying then I curled into a pathetic ball trapped inside my own sadness. I wanted to run away from the dangerous tip but it pulls me back cooing me to take the dive and see the other side. Every request it makes I always turn them down, but I find myself faltering I find myself doubting and wanting to fall into the deepest pits of hell if possible.

"I need you Yuki…"

Skip my plush room and look at the picture of a live interview. The lights are on in all the rights places, they centered on me and the woman who was dressed in what seems to be in trend these days. I would've laughed at her if I was not supposed to be showing the world the warm hearted boy that is Shindou Shuichi. The world would be shocked to know all the insults that have been racing in my head as I cocked once in a while my eyebrow at her shoes, her top, her hair, her make up. She was nothing but a stereotype. No sane person would wear what she's wearing right now. Her make-up is terrible; I almost blanched at the color of her eye shadow, the hideous shade of red that is her lips. I could go on forever, but I decided that by doing so would just force a headache on my poor skull.

She asked me questions and I answer them accordingly, all the responds prepared in my head.

God, how boring could this drag show get? I grin and beam, grin and beam; I forgot how to blush and forgot how it felt like to be uncomfortable in front of people. I let Hiro and Suguru steal the limelight away, I was too tired to listen to what the woman has to say. I'm so tired of sitting down here and pretend to care that some little Annie girl was a big fan of mine and she was dying in the hospital right now because she was inflicted with cancer. I'm so tired of being in the burning artificial luminescence of celebrity.

I wonder why we fell apart, I think I said so before that I wasn't great with timelines very much. I would find myself remembering, thinking, questioning, even regretting, why did this happen to us? Weren't we happy with each other? Didn't we have all that we need? Didn't he meet his deadlines on time? Didn't I do well enough for the lyrics of our album? Didn't I satisfy him enough? Didn't Yuki ever let go of his sensei? Didn't Yuki ever care?

Didn't Yuki ever love me?

Tohma was right, if he can't change him, who was I to think that I could turn cold man into a complete 360? Tohma tried to separate us because it was for our own good; he knew I was just a weak child that couldn't take the tyrant that is Yuki Eiri. He knew that I wasn't the one that could make Yuki change. He knew it all from the start. Tohma warned me, he did, and it was on so many occasions he did. He even went as far as to separate us. Yet, I was… a 'brat' back then; I was a firm believer in all things good, in love and worst of all, I believed in happy endings.

I forgot that I was sitting right beside Yuki Eiri.

Yuki Eiri never has happy endings.

They never existed for him, they all happen in books but not in his life. I wanted to be the happy ending to his melancholic life, but he threw me away out to the blistering cold. It's freezing over here in my secluded world; it's gnawing at my life I'm just iced over from head to toe. I tried to scream but my voice stays inside my throat, I can't take it. I bang my fist at the bitter walls and it helped me not. I'm trapped.

I took a deep breath. And I could see Hiro looking at me- the ever attentive Hiro- he was telling me to pay attention with his eyes. I know he knows what I'm thinking but he understands that I don't want the topic to ever rise. I want it to stay down, to sleep inside of me and to stay frozen with the real me inside. I want them to go deep and hide away where this unreal Shuichi won't find them and destroy them. The pink-haired boy inside of me cries for release but I let him fall into that deep pit.

Let my hopes die, let them all rot, let them be heard in songs of fallen hope and of fallen angels.

But let my love for him live.

**(SPACE HERE)**

There I was playing with my groupies. I always have a new pack with me everywhere I go, I can't be ever seen alone I need them to keep me company. They're just there when I need to trash various night clubs in some random city that I visit. The music of some techno pop bull shit goes through my right ear and falls out of my left ear as I sit at the bar, twirling the straw of my drink round and round. I lost my 'buddies' this time and to be honest, I don't really care if I'll ever see them again. I was drunk, maybe, I think. I don't know. It's not like it's the first time it's happened, I've been drunk in Berlin before and found myself all alone in some hotel room with a certain area all sticky and wet in the morning. There was also that time in New York and Seoul; all the same pity-inducing picture of me all alone in the morning with no memory of being raped the night before.

Well, I was under the influence; I would just memorize at least this itsy-bitsy particle of the night and then completely forget what happened the evening before. I could recall entering the club and dancing like an idiot, doing lap dances with all the useless souls who want to run away from the demons in their depths. It's like that dance, Tarantella, you spin again and again just so that your body can spit out a whole ocean of sweat. The poison of the spider shall trickle away with your worries. So I let myself dance, along with these bodies that long for the touch of lust to warm them for at least the night before they can go on with their feeble lives.

I was so drunk then.

You know how time sometimes moves for a drunk? It's like, well, running in water. It's like floating in air with gravity trying to capture the running of your feet. It's like that. Because that was how the world was for me in that night club, everything seemed to have been done so fast but my brain took forever to catch up with the dazzling lights. I could see flashes before my eyes and I could see black figures dancing, I could hear the music take a step back as everything started to run away while I was taking my time understanding why.

Someone took me away from the crowd, took me from my shelter. I was laughing like a neurotic dope fresh from the crazies. He slammed me to the wall and kissed me roughly to shut me up. I think I'm going to have a bump there in the morning. Great. A sore spot and a headache, not to mention getting stripped and molested in the list, I never knew I lived quite an amusing lifestyle.

People were staring at us; the only way to stop them from staring is to shut me up and let them see that nothing much is happening here. And that they should mind their own business. It's not like were the only couple going at it over here anyway.

I was still giggling, and his tongue took that as an entrance to my mouth. My arms were on the wall, trapped on top of my head as he kept with his attack. It felt so good and so bad. Sexual pleasure is something I most welcome, I love the idea of being touched here and there- the hot spots, the places where god made for these kinds of things. I could see stars fly up in my realms as we battled- tongue and tongue- for something more than dominance. I wasn't in for the tongue games, I just let the other guy or girl or whatever on two legs that has abducted me win the fight because it feels oh so good to be ravished. I don't mind being sub at all, to be frank I find myself down anyway.

I would have loved for that moment to go on and on, I never get to feel the emotions when one feels in the heat of sex. I know it hurts, especially in the morning but I'd usually be so stoned while at it, or sometimes be half-conscious or on the brink of slumber. I think it's really sexy when you do it when you're drunk. That my opinion, anyway.

It was a weird thing really. I passed out.

But what was really weird was I puked right before I did that.

**(SPACE HERE)**

I'm on a bed with the air condition on and I don't know whom this bed belongs. I am so not surprised.

Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are… One, two and three… I could actually count them all, those little sparkling things, making a round with my head. I can't believe you can actually see stars when you get knocked out. It works for cartoons but I never knew they actually happen. There's a migraine claiming me whole, I should be used to this by now but I seem to need more time before I could just wave this nausea with a flicker of my bony hand. I smiled to myself; I am on a stranger's bed. Why are my clothes still on? Shouldn't my hands be tied to the bed post or something? My molesters would usually get it done before I wake up. Then they would leave this poor little bitch to wonder how on earth I managed to get these rope marks on my hands. And the usual servings of a bed all too big for me, the guilt of being left out all alone and the stupid hang over you get from excessive drinking. The usual good morning of a sorry spirit, that's me. So this time I get to know what it feels, yeah for me.

God, my head is about to split open.

"Look who decided to puke all over me"

Jesus Christ. Stop up the access of my blood to my heart and brain. Why do I feel like I know that voice? My lopsided grin falters I realize, I do recognize that voice. It can't be happening right now. I can't be seeing him now. I opened my eyes in shock and there were those amber orbs above me. It's been a long time since I've seen those golden hues; I wonder why I never met anyone else with the same shading of gems. Let's not think about that right now. Thank you for self control, I would've swooned the very moment our eyes met.

Buddha, Jesus, Kami, Allah and whatever gods and spirits that roam the earth; please tell me that this is just a dream. Why did we have to meet when I am at my most pathetic scene? Years ago, I would have jump out of this sack and scrambled to him, head aching and bones tired. Though, back then I never think I would get myself drunk in the first place to acquire a hangover. I swallow my pride and did what I do best, put on a fake smile and cried, "Hey, Yuki, I didn't know you go to that club, too"

Beam and grin that always works for the masses. Let it work for too.

God, my head is killing me; I can't believe I have to do this.

"Let me assume that you have lost most of your brain cells to alcohol?" was all that he said, turning away from and going over the frame of the window, staring out at the world that is Tokyo, "And that is also to assume that you have brain cells to begin with"

I let him say that, it's not like I should care what he thinks, though it did hurt a bit.

I tried to sit up but gave up as all hell broke loose and I think I'm going to die any minute.

The pain is doubling now all because I was in the same room with Yuki Eiri. I went to my side and bent up like a… well, like a fetus. It's a strange comparison, but that was the only thing that went in my head right now. I was never the poetic one, remember? I was the one with zero talent, zero future, zero lover, and zero everything. I was nothing right, Yuki? Just a big fat zero, right, Yuki? Only fuck toy that you can throw out the cold streets when you don't need me anymore right, Yuki?

I was giggling, that caught Yuki's attention.

"What're you laughing about?" the blond writer asked me harshly.

"I thought of something funny" I feel terrible inside really, I think its guilt eating me up. I shouldn't be laughing right now, but I can't help it. I can still see myself leaving the door again, and out of his life. I thought I was never coming back but now I'm hurled back to the world of this madman. I don't think its funny but I can't help laughing, once I start I just don't stop anymore. It's like when I shop. It hurts to laugh and to even talk, but I wanted this more than anything else right now. I didn't hear Yuki's heated steps as he came to the bed and slapped me. You thought I stopped and stared at his angry eyes didn't you? Because I didn't I kept laughing and then he slapped me again, my face going left to right. He didn't bother stopping, he even punched me on the stomach, and all I did was just curled even more. I think this is where Yuki stopped touching me; he was just staring at me by this time. My face was stinging like hell, but my laughter never dies, well not up till now of course. It falters a bit though. My body shakes uncontrollably and it was at that time that I lost my hold on happiness yet again and the tears started to fall. It was like that time in my apartment, I thought I had everything but I was wrong. I was always wrong. That's why Yuki said I could never amount to anything. That was why I was always the 'zero talent'. "I was never enough for you, Eiri" I cried his hands didn't come to my face anymore; I was going blind by now. Depression really is a bad, bad thing "I was never the one who could save you, though I wanted to… I was the brat, I was the baka, and I was the one with zero talent" that was my confession. All the three years we had I never said anything about it to him, I never said how it hurts when I would find the papers to my lyrics all trampled feet on the floor. It hurts even more when all he did was stare at the paper and not even bother reading what was written on it all. Maybe I was breaking down. It hurts me when I try to help and the best you could do was break my favorite cup to pieces. Whatever, "I was never the one you loved… I dropped the world just to be with you. You dropped me because you were tired of seeing my face"

"Tohma was right, Yuki, we were never meant to be"

I was a pathetic creature even though I was somewhere in the age line of twenty something. I was still that little child that left Yuki behind, I was still that small boy who loved him with all my heart and I was still that brat who can't let go.

"I'm so sorry for being such a bother…"

Find me, Yuki Eiri, I'm lost in my own sea of confusion. I need you to look for my soul; I need you to get my life back. I'm on the edge of that cliff again Yuki, please save me. I want you to stop me from falling. It has to be you Yuki, I'll just let go if I see another stranger stroking the bangs from my face.

"It wasn't meant to be, Yuki, I'm so sorry for wasting your time…"

I felt fingertips tracing the tears that fell from my face and I never stopped. I remember that time you wiped my tears. You never said that you loved me but I know that somewhere in your troubled soul; I was the one that filled that void. I was the voice that won't stop claiming your head. I loved you so much Yuki. Somewhere, while I was busy shaking and panicking, my world was breaking to tiny pieces. I could even hear the shatter of my foundations as they all tumble forward. Years of waiting have finally ended, the once mighty pillars have dropped and I can't take it any longer. I'm falling in that dark abyss again, the waters were too high and I can't breathe anymore. I reached out to heaven to take my hand pull me out from the emptiness, from the remorse, from the pain and from my own helplessness. I was throwing my voice to the deaf world. And I realized I wasn't screaming anymore. Someone held my hand and took me out of the freezing waters. I could feel his heartbeat fast and rapid against the palm of my hand, and when I open my eyes I see Yuki's closed ones.

He took me out of the biting pool, he took my hand and he even took my lips away.

I wanted eternity now. I wanted time to stop. I wanted to live like this forever. Can't money buy time? Please stop all the clocks, kill Father Time, this will never happen again.

And he pulls away, but only to look at my eyes and say, "Never,_ ever_, say those things to my face again"

His eyes spoke volumes; they told me his version of what happened to him these months that I wasn't there. I know I wasn't the only one fighting loneliness and remorse, but I never knew it destroyed him too. I thought he didn't care, wasn't that what he told me when I left? That I was nothing but zero?

Reaction comes last as I found myself swimming this time, not drowning but actually flowing with the tide of pleasure and kisses. I know this won't last forever but I hope and pray that it won't ever end. I never learn my lesson, do I?

"I love you too, bra… Shuichi"

Morning comes all too soon and I hear the world calling out to me to wake up. I could feel the stinging sensation of the sun on my face. I tried to sit up, this time I was more successful than last night. I rubbed my face and tried to throw the drowsiness away, how long was I here?

I looked at the clock and I could see that I had left the morning away. It was a few minutes before two; K is going to blow me up. I was supposed to be at show three hours ago! I massaged my head and let my body lean on the arm that tried to hold me up. Was last night a dream? Not that it matters now anyway, I have to go. I need to explain to the guys where I've been or I would end up seeing my coffin way too soon.

I hurry to the elevator and punched the lobby sign. Ping, ping and another ping, was the tune I listened to while I leaned against the wall. I feel like crying again.

**(SPACE HERE)**

Hiro didn't say anything at all, the daggers in his eyes just said what his voice couldn't utter. K pointed twenty different kinds of ammunitions at my face and threatened to blow my brains out. Sakano and three other crew members did their best in trying to calm K down. Suguru was being the 'mature, responsible' fake that he is called me inconsiderate. The other members of the staff just shook their heads and went on with what they were doing. What could they do? It's not like they can lecture me on what to do. Without me, they wouldn't even be working here. Everyone was glowering at me, and then they turn their head away saying something I can't and wouldn't want to hear.

I'm here right? It's better than not being here at all, right?

I wave my hands at them and tried to tell them that.

I ran up the stairs that lead to the stadium, the opening of Blind Game already starting. Was it really coincidence? I jumped at the last step and was in time for my grand entrance. The mike was already attached to my head and I sang the first words. I could feel the aching in my body again.

It wasn't over the sentiments anymore; it was about my whole body this time. It really hurts; I let my hand go to my chest clutching that part where my heart lay. The crowd thought that it was part of my broken heart act, but they didn't know the pain that was real, that was slowly healing away. This was where it was all throbbing, right here. I kept on singing anyway because I can't let them all down. This will be the last time I sing for them, I can't stop right now.

This will be the last time Shindou Shuichi will appear on stage.

I know I'm going to die, but let me do this now. I have to hear their screams and their pleas. Let me be truly happy for the first time in years. I realize now that last night was not a dream and that Yuki did say he loved me. I remember his hands all over my body and how he held me all throughout the night. I remember him wiping my tears away and telling me with his own amber eyes that it'll all be right even though he knows it's a lie.

That all I wanted. All I ever wanted or needed was Yuki to tell me all of this. It doesn't matter now that they were all lies. At least he finally made me whole; he took away that tiny space in my being that needed to be filled. Yuki, I'm singing to you right now. Please listen to me for the last time.

All along, I thought I have everything I wanted. But I was wrong; all I wanted after all was for Yuki to save me. So, Yuki ahs been telling the truth all along, I smile; he really has a funny way of doing so.

No matter how many times I said this before, I'll say it again for the last time for you to hear. "I love you, Yuki Eiri"

Heaven was waiting for me that time and I took their offer and flew along with the angels.

**(SPACE HERE)**

They said it was heart attack. He has been drinking too much. All the drugs that he bought on dark, anonymous alley ways have finally been too much that they killed him. A couple of doctors said something about his system not strong enough anymore to fight back all the vices he had kept up within. Everything stopped working for him inside and out and that was the last straw.

I thought he didn't care.

"_I love you, Yuki Eiri"_

Thanks for the reminder, was all that I said to the television set. I smiled to myself. Let's go to that place together, Shuichi.

I turned off the television and turned off the lights, I placed the last manuscript I written and placed a note on what I expect for the book cover. I turned my laptop off and the whole house was dead with the exception of the sounds of my footsteps and the trickle of car keys to disturb the peace.

I like my car. It was black, elegant and fast. I jumped in and started the engines.

This was the car that almost killed Shuichi years ago; it's the only car I have ever owned.

When I hear the roaring of the engines, I told myself that it was settled and its time I take my own flight too.

Rage Beat was playing in the radio, it was their final tribute.

Before I left the house, I went to the bathroom and opened the medicine box and spilled all the pills, the drugs, medicines on the sink. They were all there, the ones prescribed by my therapist and the one I bought from some nameless dealer on the streets. They shone like the rainbow that comes after the rain.

I grabbed a handful of my own venom and pushed them down my throat.

If I was going with my lover, let me end the same way he did.

I love you too, Shuichi.

My head was spinning, I was an idiot for taking in too much, but that was for my final adieu to the world. I want to be one with my pink-haired brat.

I forgot that none of the stations mentioned which hospital Shuichi's corpse lay. I forgot that I was just driving around the city in circles, going in too fast that even the devil might get scared sitting with me right now. I can't see anything right anymore, I know I'm on the right lane but why are there a couple of glowing lights before me?

Oh shit, I realized, twisting my wheel to the other side.

**(SPACE HERE)**

_The black car sped and all that was left was the streak of black to tell them that something actually passed by._

_Yuki Eiri's car made a sharp turn, he went too fast and the other driver did the same thing. It only resulted with the large semi crashing with the tiny Mercedes; it sent the vehicle spinning dangerously to the edge of the world. _

_It flew out to the dark and that was the last of Yuki Eiri._

My hands are bloody as I reach out to the smiling stars, I never knew they could be so beautiful.

"Can you hear me calling, Shuichi? I'm sorry it took a while but I finally got there, didn't I?"


End file.
